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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that an online journalist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|